when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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