i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found puke in my bra..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
