just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
