his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
