it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
