Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is Oprah even human
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
