WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
