First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
