It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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