There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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