Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
