Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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