nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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