I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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