Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
