She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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