just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
