I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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