in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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