**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
