Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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