She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
