May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
