two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
