i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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