Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
