My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
