I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
