i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
