We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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