Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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