it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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