I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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