i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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