I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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