I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
