one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
