yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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