College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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