my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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