That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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