Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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