I hate your face
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
