R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
