if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
