i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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