i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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