What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
