I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
