MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are we still banned from the library?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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