I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
