When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
