Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
